Surviving Mother’s Day
What difference a year makes. Last year on Mother’s Day I was living a completely different life- swinging on a different front porch. Both a wife and a mother… and feeling overwhelmingly blessed that our family was in one piece and the future looked bright. (Then fast forward a few weeks to the final crash.)
Life is tough in ways I never imagined. I was busy before and now I add to that owning my own business and trying to figure out how to support this crew in the longterm, doing sports alone, discipline alone, answering all the hard questions alone, plus all the jobs that were never mine like yard work, fixing things, and car care. And just the crushing knowing that in the end I wasn’t enough.
But, life is also beautiful in ways I never imagined it could be. My children know patience and unconditional love. They don’t cower when they make a mistake. We may not have the future I hoped for, but I know that our situation is stable, not subject to changing feelings and commitments.
So many things that once seemed important are no longer a big deal with the perspective gained in the heartache of the recent past. Even though I’m a more stressed mom, somehow I’m a more relaxed Mom too.
School’s almost out for summer! Woo hoo! We are looking forward to adventuring, swimming, projects, and sewing for the next few months. Due to technical issues with math earlier this year, most of the big kids will do one math lesson a day for a few weeks to finish up- but that’s no big deal.
Wrapping up the school year does mean testing time… ugh. I really hate it. Between children with dyslexia and perfectionist children who don’t understand that the test is TRYING to give them questions too hard, it’s a stressful time. I work all year keeping my struggling learners confidence up and moving forward, while also trying to teach the perfectionists that mistakes are okay. Then I throw this testing at them that highly stresses them all out, to find out information I already KNOW because I’m working with them everyday.
At least it will be behind us for the year very soon!
Yardwork was never my territory and of all the new ‘jobs’ that fall to me, it’s the one I feel most inept at. The learning curve is big, especially with the machinery required. Lawnmowers and I just do not get along.
Thankfully the kids really enjoy yardwork, and I can truly say I’m learning to love it too. Enjoying pretty weather, and working together with my crew is just a recipe for a great day. We all feel this sense of accomplishment of doing it ourselves. Every time we leave the yard with a job accomplished it reminds us that we can do this alone!
We are lucky to have my grandmother’s riding lawnmower here, plus a hand-me down from my Dad. With our big country yard, it’s helpful for two to cut at the same time. And my Dad is helping me get on top of the mower care and maintenance. Today he’s rebuilding a carburetor on one mower, and replacing a blade on the other.
Between forgetting the obvious like needing to buy gas and fill the mowers up… and getting the mower stranded in the middle of the front yard… and a big helper running over a rock another day, destroying a blade…and flooding the engine stranding the mower behind the van (and it refusing to go into neutral so the kids and I could push it back to the barn)… and I could go on… that day hasn’t come yet, but hopefully it isn’t too far off.
We are still in the thick of sports season- just two weeks left. It’s been absolutely nuts with something at the fields every single day for the past two months. Even with the craziness, and being gone every night I’m glad I decided to let the kids join in. They’ve made friends and l’ve enjoyed re-entry into a community.
When we first moved here I said no to sports, knowing I’d be overwhelmed while adjusting to our new life. Some children even said they didn’t want to play again because the memories of ball were too hard. That year break was just what we needed, to put the past of sports behind us and get settled.
I’ve taken a million pictures, but haven’t had the time to sort through and edit much. In fact, when I tried to head to the fields without my camera on a day I’d be running from field to field watching 4 children playing games on the same night, Peyton made it clear that I needed to take photos of her. My little princess diva. She is hilarious out on the field… not much hustle in her as she waits for the ball to roll up to her feet.
And how glad I am that even though life is different, it is beautiful… and I’m not missing it or wasting it!
And 4 is it today…
It’s usually 5 on Friday, but kids are beginning to ask for lunch so my morning work hour is done.