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New Life, New Beginnings

I think of Easter as a time of new life and new beginnings.  During Lent’s 40 days I try to focus on Christ in a purposeful way, whether it is simply studying a topic in-depth, spending a set block of time in prayer/Bible Study, or giving up a bad habit.  This often means that by Easter morning I have new perspective on my life and goals.

This year, when Lent arrived my head was spinning with the news of my imminent separation.  Between giving up dairy and soy for Jonathan and losing my husband, what more could I possibly give up?? My mind and emotions were so scattered, and I was stretched thin being the only adult at home to care for my kids, my adult responsibilities, and picking up all the shattered pieces. How could I devote time or brain power to an in-depth study?Kids Easter Sunday 2014

There is no doubt that much of my days were spent in prayer these last weeks.  But it wasn’t the kind of prayer that was searching for God’s will, instruction or Lent lesson.  It was prayer full of exhausted tears, questioning what God thought I could handle… what my children could handle, begging Him to save us from this mess, asking that this devastation not change my children in ways that couldn’t be repaired, to keep them from the inevitable feelings that they somehow caused this or weren’t ‘good enough.’

Undoubtably, this was the hardest Lent season of my life.

I tried to open my Bible each day. But I often only got a verse read before exhaustion or emotions overcame me.  Especially in those first dark days, I couldn’t digest even the little I did read.  I had no plan, I just opened my Bible and tried to read.  More often than not, my Bible opened to Romans 12.

Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction, faithful in prayer.”

Over and over my prayer was no more than, “Please help!”  I surely didn’t believe I would ever find any joy again.

Easter arrived bringing with it new meaning and new perspective.  I think of how Jesus willingly sacrificed himself.  How he allowed himself to be tortured emotionally and physically before submitting to a painful death just so I can have eternal life with Him.  He had to go through the most horrible thing {crucifixion} to get me to the best thing {forgiveness and eternal life with Him.}

He went through the worst stuff to get to the best stuff- maybe I can too.

I have faith that God is going to bless this new life in spite of (or maybe because of) its horrible catalyst. After the pain and struggle of these last months, there is a new beginning for me; for my children.

10 days ago the children and I picked up and moved in with my parents. For the first time since this began, I know that meeting the physical and emotional needs of 6 children no longer rests on my shoulders alone.  Finally, the feeling that we are going to be okay…I am going to be okay. Maybe, just maybe, we will be more than okay.  Here we have unconditional love…what more could we need?Michael's Baptism

And if those Easter relevations weren’t enough, Michael’s baptism was on Easter morning. I heard the words spoken by my Dad to his Grandson… “buried with Him in baptism, raised to walk a new life”

Those words had so much more meaning today. Our life is new in many ways this Easter. And it’s going to be a blessed one. Life may not be perfect or easy, but I have no doubt that it will be BLESSED!Our New Family Photo

 

 

 

 

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8 Comments

  1. You are an amazing and strong woman. I know that your family will survive this and prosper. I am thinking about you all and am here to help if you need anything.
    (M2+SK+RW=BF2A2)

  2. I always have feelings of renewal and hope at Easter. I can imagine it resonates so much for you right now. I went through a divorce almost a decade ago and reading this brought me back to those first days of seperation. It is a painful and confusing time, I am so sorry that you are going through that. I promise you that God has an amazing, redeeming plan. I didn’t understand it at the time, but my life is so full of His love and blessings now. It would not have happened without going through that season first. I pray that He wraps you in his peace and strength. I know my biggest concern was how it would affect my kids, and they inspire me with their reliance. Thank you for sharing your story, it always helps to know that you’re not alone in your struggles. Prayers and hugs!

  3. So, when we make the covenant of marriage, we don’t expect the ending of the union to anything other than death. Sometimes, that’s not how things work out; people change, expectations change, goals change…lots of things change. God, however, remains constant. He loves, supports, and guides us through the loss of a marriage and we come out on the other side often healthier and more peaceful.

    When first divorced, I thought something inside me had died, that part of me was dead. I thought I would cry forever and that the grief and responsibility should squeeze the life out of me; I developed panic attacks and had nightmares; I thought I was crazy. Not right away, but slowly, I realized that God was sending me everything I needed. I reconnected with friends and family I thought I had lost. And then, one day, I didn’t cry at all, on another I could draw full breaths, on yet another I wasn’t afraid. One day led to another and I learned that I could (and did) survive. By the grace of God. Sweet cousin, you have all you need inside, planted there by God and nourished by his love and care.

  4. “He went through the worst stuff to get to the best stuff- maybe I can too.” what a powerful quote. Your strength is a light for this world ❤️

    1. Thank you for the kind words. It’s a daily struggle, but the wonderful thing is that I don’t have to be strong, because He is.

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