Yes, it’s now more than a week past Jonathan’s second birthday. Days before his birthday I sat down to write my typical birthday post, talking about my sweet boy and how I love having him in my life. All the things I want to remember before the passing of time fades who he is right now in my memory.
Each time I tried to write, I just couldn’t get my thoughts out of my head and onto the screen. Jonathan’s birthday is wrapped up in so many emotions for me, plus it ushers in Thanksgiving and the Christmas season. I feel at one moment joy, another sadness, and often the numbness that I’m sure is necessary for coping with it all.
Just look at Jonathan. A constant bundle of energy. Life as his Momma is full-out. He knew I wanted his picture, and his response was to run, giggling away from me. Playing peek-a-boo was the only possible way to get a photo with him looking my way.
I could write a paragraph about time flying and no more blinking and all that. But, wow… these last two years defy the usual musings about the swift passage of time. His birth feels at once just yesterday and a million years ago.
I hope one birthday, not too far away, I’ll be able to celebrate without reliving all the bad that so quickly followed his birth.
Two years with this beautiful boy- my little bulldozer. That’s something worth celebrating!
Two years. Nearly two years ago, it felt like the world was ending and here I stand- here we stand.
The job of mothering him (and the rest of my crew) keeps me in the present. I don’t have time to feel sorry for us, or dwell on ‘should a done’ or the ‘could a been’. Instead I’m busy mothering, loving, working, making a future for him…them…and for me!
I’m supposed to be talking about his birthday, right!? Actually we celebrated twice, first with cake and a present at Grandma’s house a few days early. Then being the 6th baby, and too young to care, he blew out candles on leftover cake on his real day.
As far as birthday’s go, two is usually the hardest birthday for me as Momma. Until he turns two, I can tell myself he’s a baby. But two solidly leaves the baby years behind and moves full steam ahead into toddler. I braced myself for this birthday. For my last baby turning two to rock my world.
Surprisingly, I found Jonathan’s 2nd birthday easy… exciting even.
Partially because of all we’ve been through, it’s easier to look forward with him. I wouldn’t go back to those early days for the world. I could feel cheated of the last two babyhood years. But my village and my family came alongside us in a way that allowed me not to miss it. Maybe I held on to him even tighter because of it. Knowing from two months old that he would certainly be my last baby.
Two years old.
I’m ready, he’s ready.
I’m not wishing away the next little bit, because two happens to be my favorite. Its going to be a good year for my boy. And I plan to enjoy every minute of it!
Finally those things I want to remember-
His love of tract-tows (aka tractors). How he blew out his candles on the first try before we even finished singing. The sound he makes when he wants to nurse. And how he says more when he wants the other side. The feeling of him on my hip as I cook dinner. How he runs and yells no toes, no toes (aka no clothes!) if he manages to get away while I’m dressing him. His mine mine chirp that sounds just like the seagulls on Nemo. The way he bounces on his toes to show he wants to be held. The way he gives kisses.
Welcome to TWO baby boy.