Welcome 2016! I am beyond ready to put the last several years behind me.
New Year’s isn’t usually a big deal for me. I’m not a resolution person, but the idea of a fresh start has never felt more needed.
In 2014, before life combusted, I chose the word GRACE as my word for the year. Then I spent the year reeling, picking up the pieces, and simply trying to put one foot in front of the other.
2015 came and I was so hopeful for a better year, but it became another year of dashed hopes and broken hearts.
Not only were emotions of the last two years hard, but also the sheer magnitude of moving a family of 7 took a massive toll on all of us. Five times in less than 18 months, we moved back and forth as our hopes soared and then shattered.
After the last two years, I’m afraid to hope for better in 2016, but I am working on trusting that better is coming.
My goal for this year is simply to get back to the basics. To stop grieving what I don’t have, and concentrate on what I do have. To be intentional with my time and my mothering. No big changes, settling in, and building a life together. A year that I hope will re-build the feelings of safety and security that every child should have.
We all spent 2 years grieving, feeling like we couldn’t possibly ever be whole or happy without him. I know that grief will yank us all around, even at the most unexpected times, for a very long time. But this year, I’m bent on being intentional in building our life, in finding happiness that isn’t smothered in grief.
My word for 2016 is TRUST. Trusting that God has a good plan for my future. I spent so much of the last two years, certain that nothing could ever be better than having my best friend at my side. I didn’t really pray about rebuilding my marriage, because surely that was God’s best for me, right? But, jumping headlong into it crashed and burned… twice.
This year, I’m working on trusting that God’s got it. Concentrating less on the future and more on the now. Because I have plenty to keep me busy in the now! I surely don’t need to waste time looking ahead.
Honestly, I struggle with fear and uncertainty. In the past two years God hasn’t done what I thought he should do. My prayers (which to be honest were all God do this and none seeking His will) weren’t answered as I hoped.
If you’ve followed my blog for the past several years you know about the many huge, amazing blessings poured on my children and me. From friends bringing food, and family making repairs and helping sell our old home, to a roof over our heads that doesn’t require rent and so many more unexpected blessings. How can I struggle to trust and be thankful in light of ALL He has done? Why must I say, “Thank you God, but this is NOT the blessing I wanted”?
Every thank you laced with but…
I sound like an ungrateful child, stomping her feet and saying, “…but I wanted pink, not blue!”
I feel like God hasn’t answered my prayers, but then I look here at Big Family Blessings. How in late 2013 I started working hard on this blog, just hoping to build it from earning nothing to making enough to take over my husband’s off-duty income; giving us more family time and him the wiggle room to explore his side business dreams. I made a list in my notebook of business goals, including a specific dollar amount goal to reach by June 2015. And guess what… I hit that goal exactly in June 2015, also the same month my husband moved out for the last time. Coincidence? Of course not! And my traffic goals? Those goals that seemed, at the time, like mountains… hit and more than doubled in the last year.
Can I trust that He can continue to do that… and that He can do even more?
God can do anything, you know—far more than you could ever imagine or guess or request in your wildest dreams! He does it not by pushing us around but by working within us, His Spirit deeply and gently within us.
Ephesians 3:20-21 (The Message)
Do I believe it? Honestly, not completely. But, I’m working on it.
2016… The year of trust.
Trust that He has good plans for me… my family… and my business.